1. They focus on their own agenda.

1. They focus on their own agenda.

The mentally strongest know what they want to accomplish, set concrete goals of personal significance, and then are careful not to get caught up working on things that only advance other people’s goals.

2. They stop asking for permission.

2. They stop asking for permission.

It takes time to wait around for permission to do everything. It’s the opposite of control, as you’re literally waiting for someone else who controls the situation to grant you something.

3. They ditch any traces of a people-pleasing habit.

3. They ditch any traces of a people-pleasing habit.

When you focus on pleasing others, you’re giving away more control than you realize. You sacrifice sharing your true opinion so as not to offend. You miss out on the opportunity to bring needed change by not being confrontational. In your desire to be liked, you enact a robotic instead of real version of you. All of these things tacitly give away your control.

4. They balance “solo-powered” with “solar-powered.”

4. They balance

Being in control doesn’t mean you operate solo-powered and try to do everything yourself. The most in-control people know they can’t control everything and draw on what I call solar-power — the heat and energy of those around them ready and eager to help.

5. They energetically embrace change.

5. They energetically embrace change.

You already know that the only thing that’s constant is change. So why do so many struggles with it? Doing so is like throwing a sense of control onto a pile of logs and striking the match.

The mentally strongest thrive in and even lead change. They don’t fear uncertainty, and instead, simply observe and acknowledge its presence and appreciate it for the benefits it brings, like learning, growth, and resilience. They don’t exaggerate what they will actually lose because of change and think of change as a software upgrade, a way to download to a better version of themselves (You 2.0).

You can be mentally stronger and feel more in control. Start by taking control of what you’ve read here and run with it. You don’t need my permission.

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